Posts Tagged Positivity
My new years resolution in January of 2009 was to: “Read more, fear less, and make moves to create my life.” Some things haven’t changed. These are still my goals. As we head into the new year, I am asking myself, “What can I do to make it happen?”
I’m sure I’m not alone in this quest. But before I can decide on the areas I want to hone in on in 2011, first I need to recap 2010. Enter the annual personal review exercise. Over the past week I’ve been pondering what my life has been like this year. I’ve come to many conclusions, but the thing I want to share with you is I my list of the top three things that went incredibly, undeniably RIGHT this year; and the things that went really effin’ WRONG.
*drum roll please*
3 things that went incredibly right in 2010
#3. Launching this blog, The Fab Life Project
Creating this blog felt oh-so-right for many reasons. If you’ve been reading from the beginning, then you know that I had been wanting to start a blog for quite some time before I actually got around to it. I let a lot of things hold me back from getting my dream out of my head, and onto the net.
In July, I said, “f-it” and I went for it. Since then I’ve gained subscribers (if you aren’t subscribing, do it!) and have been told by a lot of people that they are feeling what I’m doing here. Knowing that I am motivating other people to get out there and create their fab life, makes me beyond happy. I’m joyful, folks! Joyful! In 2011, I want to continue on my mission for creating a community for Gen Y’ers and making this THE resource for Gen Y’ers who want to build their world from scratch.
#2. Leaving the U.S.A. for the first time.
July was a busy month for me this year. Right after I launched the blog, I launched myself to Lima, Peru for nine days. It. was. awesome! If you have never left your home country, please find a way to do it! Traveling allows you to find out so much about yourself. It’s good to get out of your comfort zone. I can’t wait to travel again, and I can’t wait to make an announcement about exactly how it will happen!
And the number one thing that went right this year was….
Making it back to Tennessee in time to see the birth of my god-daughter. (BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.)
When my best friend told me she was pregnant with her third child, I promised I would make it home to see her have the baby. Because she is such a good friend, she never doubted that I would be there. And because I can be a pretty rational person, I spent nine months wondering how the hell I would pull it off. After all, I had a lot of factors in my way: I live in New York. I work a full-time job. And it’s impossible to predict the exact moment a baby will be born.
I scheduled two weeks off from work, but when D called me a week before my scheduled departure time to tell me that she was in labor, I panicked. And I gave up hope for a few hours. But that Friday morning I woke up with a new sense of determination. I knew I had to figure out a way to be there. One call to the airline later, and it was settled, I would be on my way to Tennessee the next day. There was still some panic about whether I would still miss the birth (I was scheduled to leave that Tuesday), but I did it! My god-daughter, Madyson, was born at 2:44 that Sunday. Watching a new life emerge into the world, put my life into perspective. It was an amazing day, and my number one moment of 2010.
I’m so tempted to end this post here, on a high note, but it would be a disservice not to give you my list of things that went astray in 2010. No drum roll needed; just that breath you take right before you get into pondering something deep.
So, what went WRONG in 2010?
#3. Telling myself, “I can’t” a lot more than saying that “I can.”
I’ve caught myself saying this way too many times this year. Sometimes it was out loud, other times, in my head, but it happened too much for me to ignore that this was a huge failing point in my 2010. I’ve written about feeling stuck, and frustrated, and I know these feelings have shaped my thoughts about what I can, and cannot do. But not anymore. No more ruling myself out. No more focusing on my perceived notions. I CAN DO whatever I put my mind too. Maybe I will strike out, but I would rather fail than never try.
#2. Allowing my 9-to-5 to take over my life.
There are many books written about work/life balance. There are the people who write extensively about achieving it, and there are the people who believe the idea of balance is total bullshit. I believe that when you looooove your job, you find balance because your job and your life are one. You’ve found the place where passion and purpose intersect.
I am not there yet. I am working on getting there. But in the meantime, I have got leave my job stress at my desk. My new motto is, “If I can’t do something about it right now, then why waste time thinking about it?” Also, I will stop internalizing work-deadline pressure. I will say openly that “I am only one person.” This isn’t self-defeating, it’s the truth. In a time where many people are doing the jobs of two, you need to remind yourself that you are only ONE person. Then step away from the cube. Hell, run away from the cube.
And the number one thing that went completely WRONG in 2010 was:
Not allowing other people to help me
It is very hard for me to ask for help. And now that I live in New York (where hospitality is hard to come by) asking for help has become even harder. I hate the idea of putting myself into a position where people can reject me, but sometimes you have to do so to move forward. Part of my pledge to “fear less” in 2011, is allowing myself to ask for help when I need it. And to not take it personally if things don’t go my way. Helping myself means trying. I. have. to. try.
I would love to know what went RIGHT for you in 2010, and what went WRONG. It’s a good place to start when you are making plans for the new year!
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There are 10 days left in 2010. This excites me. Why? Because I’m ready to commit to making some of my dreams come true in 2011. But before I get into my dream chasing, I want to share an idea with you: A Personal Year End Annual Review.
I first read about the idea of conducting a personal annual review on the Art of Nonconformity blog. Each year the author, Chris Guillebeau, literally goes into the woods for a week to evaluate his year. From personal matters to business strategies, Chris thinks about it all and asks himself what went well and what did not go well.
Now, I’m not suggesting you trek into the woods, but the idea of conducting an annual review is a good one. As the year draws to a close, most people only think about the things they did not achieve. We start flashing back to all of those resolutions we wrote down on January 1. Maybe you didn’t get a chance to get around to some of them, but I am sure you achieved plenty this year that you aren’t really giving yourself credit for.
Of course it is important to examine the things that did not go well this year, but the thing I like most about this exercise is that you are allowing yourself to find a balance between what you did well, and what you didn’t do well.
I’m going to conduct my assessment over the next few days and give you the break down on Thursday. You should try it!
On Friday I shared an exercise that had you examining the things you love and hate about your life. Today, I want to shed light on something that may be behind the things on your hate list: your own limiting beliefs.
Day 11 of the Happy Black Woman challenge lead us to examine some limiting beliefs we may have. The top three limiting beliefs most people have according to the ReCreate Your Life website ( I know, there really is such a thing) is:
-I’m not good enough
-I’m not important
-Mistakes and failure are bad
I believe limiting beliefs can be pretty simple, or they can run really deep. All, I think have some type of connection with the list of three beliefs above. Let’s look back at some of the things on my list to see how my limiting beliefs are letting some of these “hates” survive in my life.
One of the things I said I hate is only semi being a part of my really good friends lives because I live so far away from them (they are in Tennessee, I am in NYC). What is the limiting belief I hold behind this? I don’t have enough time. When I feel guilty about being out of the loop, I tell myself (and sometimes them) that it is because I don’t have enough time to talk to them. I admit, living in New York can complicate communications with people outside of the city. But let’s analyze my limiting belief further.
I often feel as if I don’t have enough time to have an in-depth conversation with my friends. So what happens? I neglect to call them period. Is it obvious how I am limiting myself? I am telling myself that the way in which I can communicate with my friends is not good enough. I’m only giving myself a limiting “all or nothing” option.
I am limiting myself by saying that I don’t have enough time to talk to my friends. While it is true that a lot of things demand my attention in NYC, making time, or finding time, rather, to talk to my friends is possible. Once I let go of the belief that “I don’t have time” it frees me to start thinking creatively about how I can keep in touch with the people who are most important to me.
If I spent more time making short calls to people when I have a spare minute (the time I spend walking to and from the subway), I wouldn’t have to try to talk to someone for an hour or two to catch up because I would be more clued in to their lives.
One thing I might do is create a list of the people I most want to keep in touch with. Then I could pick two every Sunday whom I can call while I am doing boring Sunday tasks (folding clothes, cleaning the apartment). I can text people and have a mini convo when I am busy. I can write on more Facebook walls. I can send post cards. I can do a lot once I eliminate the belief that there is only one way to communicate with my friends, and that all other methods are not good enough.
This is just one example of how finding the limiting beliefs that are holding you back, and actively eliminating them, can help you progress towards having more “loves” than “hates” on your list.
What beliefs are you harboring that could be limiting your progress toward leading a passionate and purposeful life?
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