Push the Limits: How eliminating certain beliefs can help you move forward

On Friday I shared an exercise that had you examining the things you love and hate about your life. Today, I want to shed light on something that may be behind the things on your hate list: your own limiting beliefs.

Day 11 of the Happy Black Woman challenge lead us to examine some limiting beliefs we may have. The top three limiting beliefs most people have according to the ReCreate Your Life website ( I know, there really is such a thing) is:

-I’m not good enough
-I’m not important
-Mistakes and failure are bad

I believe limiting beliefs can be pretty simple, or they can run really deep.  All, I think have some type of connection with the list of three beliefs above. Let’s look back at some of the things on my list to see how my limiting beliefs are letting some of these “hates” survive in my life.

One of the things I said I hate is only semi being a part of my really good friends lives because I live so far away from them (they are in Tennessee, I am in NYC). What is the limiting belief I hold behind this? I don’t have enough time.  When I feel guilty about being out of the loop, I tell myself (and sometimes them) that it is because I don’t have enough time to talk to them.  I admit, living in New York can complicate communications with people outside of the city. But let’s analyze my limiting belief further.

I often feel as if I don’t have enough time to have an in-depth conversation with my friends. So what happens? I neglect to call them period.  Is it obvious how I am limiting myself?  I am telling myself that the way in which I can communicate with my friends is not good enough.  I’m only giving myself a limiting “all or nothing” option.

I am limiting myself by saying that I don’t have enough time to talk to my friends. While it is true that a lot of things demand my attention in NYC, making time, or finding time, rather, to talk to my friends is possible.  Once I let go of the belief that “I don’t have time” it frees me to start thinking creatively about how I can keep in touch with the people who are most important to me.

If I spent more time making short calls to people when I have a spare minute (the time I spend walking to and from the subway), I wouldn’t have to try to talk to someone for an hour or two to catch up because I would be more clued in to their lives.

One thing I might do is create a list of the people I most want to keep in touch with. Then I could pick two every Sunday whom I can call while I am doing boring Sunday tasks (folding clothes, cleaning the apartment).  I can text people and have a mini convo when I am busy. I can write on more Facebook walls. I can send post cards. I can do a lot once I eliminate the belief that there is only one way to communicate with my friends, and that all other methods are not good enough.

This is just one example of how finding the limiting beliefs that are holding you back, and actively eliminating them, can help you progress towards having more “loves” than “hates” on your list.

What beliefs are you harboring that could be limiting your progress toward leading a passionate and purposeful life?

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  1. #1 by James on December 13, 2010 - 2:06 am

    Your right Amber. And i have been in a trying situation myself. See i have been struggling to find employment in my field(accounting). And it has come to my attention that i need to move but the most logical move would be to move back home(memphis). But my own limiting belief as you call it(i call it my pride) could be forcing me to miss potential opportunites and time to focus and gather myself once again

    • #2 by amberinnyc on December 14, 2010 - 9:52 am

      And you know what, it’s totally OK to move back to Memphis. I moved back to Memphis for a brief moment in 2008, and it turned out to be a really good idea.
      I think the key to making any big decision is to do it with the end in mind. So, if you are thinking about moving, what is the end result you are looking for? And if you know you only want to stay in Memphis for a short time, think about how long you can do it, and make plans for what will come next.

      I’m sure you will be a-OK!

  2. #3 by Reading Has Purpose on December 13, 2010 - 7:27 am

    The timing of this post is crazy. I just posted a review last night on Chazown. It’s a book about living your vision, passion and purpose! It made me realize sooo many things about myself.

    I’m focused, very focused. So this is a question that I’ll have to think about on my train ride to work because right now nothing is coming to mind.


    • #4 by amberinnyc on December 14, 2010 - 9:53 am

      I should check out that book! Thanks for bringing it to my attention!

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